Why I Was Struggling To Start Writing

I just had an epiphany. I have been really struggling with the thought of starting a blog and the fact that I had to write on a regular basis. Writing used to be my go-to outlet, so what’s up?

Photo by Kaitlyn Baker on Unsplash

What Happened

After some soul-searching, I realized that it happened in high school. We had to write a poem for English class. Mine was about suicide.

That poem was the best thing I had ever written in my life. EVER! We had just lost a classmate and friend because he had taken his own life.

It was terrible.

It was heartbreaking.

It was life.

We just didn’t realize at the time how many more friends we would eventually lose. Needless to say, no one commented on how stellar my work was. All they did was call me and my mom into the office, and tell me that I needed help.

They wanted to make sure I wasn’t on the edge of suicide also. What?!?!?! That was the poem that I had to write for the assignment. There was not, in any way shape or form, a hidden agenda there. If any of them actually knew me, then they would have known that.

I went to a very small high school. I believe there were somewhere around 105 people in my graduating class, so the officials should have known everything about everyone. The only time I was ever noticed at that school was when I wrote that poem. Granted, it was a pretty graphic poem, but it was awesome.

Enough with the back story. Let’s get back to the epiphany.

How It Affected Me

Being in high school and having that kind of attention placed on me when I wasn’t actually expecting it was apparently shocking to my system.

Somewhere in my brain, the decision was made that it would be the last thing I wrote for those people. I was expecting to be told what a great, heartfelt poem I had written. Getting analyzed when you are expecting praise is hard on a kid. No one even said what a good poem I had written. I’m not sure it actually even got graded.

It made me feel dejected. I’m not certain, but I believe that was when I really stopped caring about school at all. I appreciate the fact that they were concerned about me, but come on! Recognize greatness when you see it.

They never brought it up again after that. It was a one time deal. I know they just wanted to make a big show of it so they wouldn’t be held responsible should anything actually happen to me, but it changed my life.

People who know me know that I take great pleasure in living. I live to annoy other people some days. Okay, a lot of days. There is no way I could ever give that up. People absolutely fascinate me, and I’m sure they didn’t take that into consideration when they pulled me into the office and gave me that lecture.

What I’m Going To Do About It.

My plan of action is to just write. I am going to write and write. The goal is to block out the blocks. When I

Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

manage to pull off another stellar piece, there is enough experience behind me now so I know not to let anyone interfere with it.

There are a lot of people out there who write about dark things. Hopefully, they are trying like I was to help others. Unfortunately, that is not the case in all instances. Choose who you read carefully. Sometimes things manage to get into your brain that shouldn’t be in there.

I really hope this helps some of you to overcome whatever block you may have in your life. Life is way too short to not live it to your fullest potential.

In Conclusion

What I am trying to convey to you is that if you are finding a block somewhere in your life, you need to do some serious soul searching to get to the root of the issue. All of these years I have just been stumped by why I didn’t enjoy actually getting words on paper.

Believe me. I have a ton of words floating around in my head begging to get out, but when I tried to write, they would just stop. It would be total silence in my head. Writing is just one outlet. What are some of yours?

What is your block? Where are you having issues in your life?

Drop me a line in the comments or if you don’t want it out there for everyone to see, please drop me a line in the Contact Me form and let me know what’s going on. Sometimes all it takes is talking it out with someone else.

 

March 10, 2018

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